Seven Brains, One Body

The Nurse Review presented its report yesterday, and a key recommendation was the creation of  'Research UK', which would have overall responsibility for the Research Councils. One way the new structure could be described was 'seven brains, one body,' Sir Paul said.

Now read on.
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Scene 1: A laboratory in a castle. A storm is blowing outside. Lightning flashes and lights up a crazy-haired scientist at work, making adjustments to a large, complicated and antiquated piece of machinery. In front of him is a corpse clearly pieced together with rudimentary stitching. 

Sir Paul Frankenstein (for it is he): Ah-ha! Finally my dream is about to be realised! They said I couldn't do it but they were wrong! I have created the Single Accounting Officer! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Shock Poll Result: Turkeys Vote for Christmas

Turkeys: willing to 'respond flexibly'

In a surprise election upset, turkeys on a farm in Norfolk have voted unanimously for Christmas.

'Well I'm as shocked as anyone,' said turkey farmer Sajid David. 'I've been preparing for a cull for sometime, and have been thinking about the most cost effective way of doing it. I've even drafted in two separate sets of consultants to advise me. I thought it was going to be a difficult and painful process'.

'However, late last night a group of seven turkeys knocked on my door and said that they had had a vote, and they were all committed to Christmas'.

The Life of McKinsey, Nurse and Brian

The People's Review of the Research Councils.
Or is it the Popular Research Council Review?

Earlier this month it became clear that the Department of Business, Innovation and Skills had commissioned management consultants McKinsey to review its budget and recommend where cuts could be made. At the same time the Nurse Review is ongoing.

Now read on.

The sewers below Death Star House. A group of revolutionaries, freedom fighters and management consultants are talking in urgent whispers.

McKinsey (for it is he): Once in the building, timing will be of the essence. There's a Research Council feast later in the evening, so we must move fast. And don't wear your best sandals. Turning left here, we enter the Geoffrey Crossick Memorial Sewer, and from there proceed directly to the hypocaust. This has just been retiled, so consultants: careful with those weapons! We will now be directly beneath Rylance's audience chamber itself. This is the moment we strike!