Seeking an Extension

Donnez-moi la mort (Photo by Mathew MacQuarrie on Unsplash)

Emotions ride high as extensions to deadlines are sought, and nowhere more so than at Fundermentals Towers University. Now read on.

FTU Monopoly

As you can imagine we were very excited to learn about the special edition of Monopoly that the University of Kent is producing as part of its fiftieth anniversary celebrations.

We here at Fundermental Towers University (FTU) are celebrating our own landmark. Can it really be 26 and a half months since we were established?

We feel it is only right and fitting that we follow Kent's lead and have our own branded Monopoly set. In addition to spreading the word about our excellent work, an FTU Monopoly set would have two clear advantages:

Build Yesterday Tomorrow: the Launch of the Latitude Prize

A press release from Fundermental Towers University. 

The Latitude Prize 2014

'The Vice Chancellor and Council of Fundermental Towers University are pleased to announce the launch of the Latitude Prize 2014. Whilst the Longitude Prize is seeking to solve one of the greatest issues of our time, the Latitude Prize is seeking to answer one of the most pointless and irrelevant.

FTU Bids for Regional Study

The VC and PVCs of FTU, getting into the Dickensian spirit

It may surprise readers to learn that the announcement of an AHRC/Design Council funding call focussed on Bristol/Bath was greeted with fevered excitement at Fundermental Towers University. You might reasonably have thought that, whilst FTU had expanded its sphere of influence to the very edges of the Kentish peninsular through its strategic 'R2D2' collaboration with Ebbsfleet White Horse (Unrampant), Snodhurst and Deangate Ridge Golfing Academy, this call was too geographically remote to be of interest to FTU. Not so.

A Sierra-Fuelled Dawn

The Shuttlebus, in R2D2 livery, awaits its first customers

Following the commendable example of the Universities of Bristol, Bath, Exeter and Cardiff in forming the GW4 collaboration, we are pleased to announce that Fundermental Towers University will be forming an alliance with its sister institutions in the wider Rochester area.

The research intensive universities of Fundermental Towers, Ebbsfleet White Horse (Unrampant), and Snodhurst, together with Deangate Ridge Golfing Academy, will form a strategic alliance to explore and identify opportunities where their combined research strength can more effectively address global challenges, as well as getting an impressive discount on stationery costs.

Professor Gymslip Plimsole, Vice-Chancellor of Fundermental Towers University and former contestant on ESRC's T Factor, welcomed the news. 'This is an exciting day for the wider Rochester area, and the impact will be felt right the way from The Esplanade in the West to Tinker's Alley in the East. Together the 'R2D2' collaboration of universities is more than the sum of its parts. With a total turnover in excess of £7.83(sterling), these four royal and ancient seats of learning will create an unstoppable critical mass of ground breaking research.'

'We have already commissioned a 'shuttle service' between the universities', continued Plimsole. 'I have had my son Kevin, our Transport Officer, source and purchase a 1983 Ford Sierra which is ideal for the job. We hope to paint it in the colours of all four institutions. When combined these come out as a rather fetching puce-brown. Fortunately most Sierras of that age came in that colour, so there may be no need for a repaint. See? This collaboration is already saving us money!'

'Whilst we are all excited about the bright new Sierra-fuelled dawn ahead of us,' concluded Plimsole, 'there are still a number of details to iron out. The most important of these is the biscuit selection for our intra-R2D2 meetings. I know Snodhurst have a penchant for jammie dodgers, but we at Fundermental Towers have more refined tastes. For us, it's custard creams or nothing.'

'Excellentiam per cognitio, innovatione et interdiu TV'

The Dreaming Spires of Rochester

We were delighted to learn that Fundermental Towers has been selected as one of a tranche of 'new' universities announced by the government today. Institutions no longer have to have 4,000 students to be classified as a university. Instead, institutions need only have three part-time students in order to join the likes of Oxford and Cambridge in the upper echelons of knowledge providers. I am very pleased to announce, then, that the ancient seat of learning formerly known as 2 Acacia Avenue, Rochester, will become Fundermental Towers University.

Break open the Asti!

Whilst we do not, strictly, meet the minimum criteria for student numbers at the moment, we believe we can make a start with what we have. Our children are broadly defined as 'students', albeit school age, and both the dog and the cat have demonstrated some interest in learning, even if it is just in finding out when feeding time is.

Yes, these are exciting times for Fundermentals University. Once I've completed the latest Cosmo questionnaire, I will make a start on filling in our REF submission. I will then move on to establishing an overseas campus at our Eurocamp tent on the Costa Brava. Finally, I intend to finance my retirement extend the opportunity for learning by offering mail order degrees a distance learning programme.

I would like to extend an invitation to all Fundermental subscribers to join us at our leafy North Kentish campus where all our undergraduates, including Rover and Tibbles, live by our motto: Excellentiam per cognitio, innovatione et interdiu TV, or 'Excellence through Research, Innovation and Daytime TV.'