- First, there's no such thing as too much text. What we need is words, and lots of them;
- Second, include absolutely all the detail about the development of the policy that underlies any scheme or programme, however unnecessary it might seem. If you could include a timeline of the negotiations that led to the adoption of that policy, that would be a bonus. Extra points can be scored by inserting a picture of the front of the policy document, entitled something like '2017: Towards a more Integrated, Forward-Looking Europe';
- Third, acronyms, acronyms, acronyms. Make sure you have at least 15 per slide, and never, ever explain them. Other than quickly, under your breath, in passing.
- Fourth, you need a flow chart. Doesn't matter what it represents. Plenty of arrows, preferably doubling back on themselves or at least double ended.
- Fifth, you must include some clip art, ideally circa 1995. If you could combine this with a garish use of colours or an eclectic mix of fonts, so much the better. If you no longer have access to your Office95 clip art suite, you can substitute these for some generic pictures of groups of young European people smiling, preferably with books clutched to their chests.
- Finally, as EC Directive 2045/12-ZD makes clear, all EC-related presentations have to end with a chirpy, 'Thank You for your Attention!' slide.
With these simple building blocks in place your success is assured, and you can look forward to a career of conference coffee and gazing out at rooms full of confused looking delegates.
Thank You for your Attention!