'No Amount of Aromatic Spice Poppadoms Will Hold Us Back'

Phileas Fogg: FTU 'invested heavily'

Here at Fundermental Towers University we've always strived to be the very best small university. Throughout our great and glorious history, stretching back for more than a quarter of a decade, we've nurtured a forward thinking, imaginative ethos that has served our students well.

Not only have we linked with similar small-scale centres of excellence in the wider Rochester area to form the R2D2 Consortium, but we have also launched the prestigious Latitude Prize to seek answers to the most pointless and irrelevant questions of our time. We've even sought to rename both our office holders and the institution itself. I do not wish to appear self-aggrandising, but I would suggest that we are probably the finest small university in the world.