Tuesday, 18 June 2013

SSC becomes SBS

SBS: I love the smell of paperclips
in the morning...smells like...victory
No one could ever accuse the erstwhile SSC of being laggards. Not only have they processed 3,689 applications on behalf of the Research Councils in the three months up to March this year, and prepared 1,382 offers, committing the Exchequer to some £756m but, more importantly, they have given serious and sustained consideration to their name.

Yes, we all knew that SSC was a non starter. I mean what's the good in that? Doesn't sound very exciting does it? It'll never fly.

What they needed was something snappier. Something that smacked of danger and adventure. I mean, what's more dangerous and adventurous than  processing applications and authorising payments? Nothing. That's what.

So we were very pleased that they rightly chose to rename themselves Shared Business Services which, I think you'll agree, is much more descriptive than the Shared Services Centre. Not only does this 'reflect broadening services and ownership', but more importantly it shares the acronym of the Special Boat Service.

Synchronise watches! Don the black facepainty stuff! Use those assertive hand gestures! Boom! Bang!

'Charlie Sierra Oscar One! We are in position and ready to process this AHRC Research Networking Scheme application. I repeat, we are in position and ready to process!'
'Incoming payment! Incoming payment!' Whizz! Boom!
'Ah! Prof Smith has bought it...and he's not completed the necessary claim form!' Whooosh...Bang!

Keep your eyes posted for further exciting developments in the area. There's rumours that the ESRC is going to become 'Sense and Society', or SAS, to better 'reflect broadening services and ownership' (natch). Similarly the Leverhulme Trust will be dropping all that Edwardian soap magnet nonsense and renaming itself '3 Commando', whilst AHRC, not to be outdone, is going for the 'Primary Portal for Arts Research Anywhere', or 1 PARA.

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