NERC Launches Competition to Rename Sir David Attenborough

Whisper McWhisperface

Following the news that NERC had ignored the popular vote and named its new research ship Sir David Attenborough (the fourth most popular entry, lagging some 113,086 behind the winner, Boaty McBoatface), the Research Council has moved to placate its critics by launching a new competition: to rename Sir David Attenborough.

The Battle of the RCUK Research Ships

NERC's new polar research ship

Excitement was palpable at Death Star House this morning as NERC unveiled plans for it's new polar research ship. Painted a bold, brazen red, with 'SCIENCE' emblazoned on its side, the ship will send out a positive signal that the UK is serious about scientific research.

The CEO of NERC, Prof Duncan Wingham, purred through what the ship had to offer. 'This vessel will be equipped to support oceanographic, marine ecosystem, geophysical and other research activities.'

Not to be outdone, however, Prof Rick Rylance, head of the AHRC, spoke to a hastily convened press conference elsewhere in the building.

'I'm pleased to announce that the AHRC will be launching a Humanities 'Super Yacht,'' he said. To gasps of astonishment, Rylance held up what was clearly a badly photoshopped image of a speed boat with 'HUMANITIES' written across it.

AHRC's 'Super Yacht': Rylance's Artist's Impression

'The yacht will be fuelled with the redundant words that have been stripped out of research proposals,' claimed Rylance. 'We've built up quite a stock pile of unnecessary padding. It's completely valueless in terms of application content, but we've found that it burns very nicely'.

He went on: 'we believe we have enough 'overarching's and 'lacuna's to power us around the world fifteen times. But should we ever get through these we have reserves of 'furthermore's and 'step change's.'

It is understood that candidates for the post of ESRC Chief Executive will be asked to present at interview a model of a possible SOCIAL SCIENCES research ship. Fundermentals has spoken to one of the front runners for the job, who has spent several nights gluing together match sticks to recreate the Dunkirk 'flotilla of small boats'.

Further Changes to NERC Schemes

The Natural Environment Research Council has announced several changes to its responsive mode portfolio, which will take effect from 1 January.

Consortium Grants replaced by Large Grants
The Consortium Grant Responsive Mode scheme will be replaced by a new Large Grant scheme. The Large Grant scheme will continue to support adventurous, large-scale and complex research tackling big science questions, which cannot be addressed through other NERC funding opportunities. Key changes in comparison to the previous Consortium scheme are as follows:

• There will no longer be a requirement for a minimum of three eligible investigators based in separate participating organisations.
• A minimum funding level of £1·2m (100% FEC) will be introduced (the maximum funding level of £3·7m remains unchanged).
• There'll be an outline stage. This will be assess on 'potential excellence' and 'fit to scheme'.
• Next deadlines are: Outline Proposal Closing Date: 1 March 2012; Full Proposal Closing date: 15 November 2012 (tbc).
• The assessment process and documentation required for submitting Large Grant full proposals is unchanged from the Consortium scheme.

Standard Grants
A maximum funding level of £1·2m (100% FEC) will be introduced for Standard Grants. This change is to provide clear differentiation between the Standard Grant scheme and the new Large Grant scheme. The minimum funding level for Standard Grants is also amended to £65,000 (100% FEC).

New Investigator Grants
Following completion of the 2012 call (deadline 1 Feb), the New Investigator competition will cease to operate as a separate scheme and will be incorporated into the Standard Grant scheme. Eligibility will not change. New Investigator proposals will no longer be subject to any specific funding limits or restrictions. The ability to submit a New Investigator application via the Standard Grant call will be available from the December 2012 closing date onwards.

Urgency Grants
Some modifications will be made to clarify the remit of the scheme and circumstances that will be accepted as grounds for an Urgency application. The application and assessment process will also be updated.

There's no indication as to whether these changes are the result of the new moptop director,Duncan 'call me Rick' Wingham.

Tales from Topographic Oceans

I don't know, you wait ages for a senior appointment at the Research Councils, and then two come along at the same time.

After all the excitement over the AHRC's New Director of Research, news has just come in of the appointment of the new head of the NERC. It took them nearly five months to find someone: that's almost as long as Mark Llewellyn's total academic career.

So who has NERC gone for? Prof Duncan Wingham is Professor of Climate Physics at UCL. The golden-locked prof is a specialist in measuring ice sheet movements. So whereas the AHRC has gone for youth and speed, the NERC seem to have taken a 'steady as she goes' approach. Prof Wingham has been at UCL since 1986, and was already Chair of NERC's Science and Innovation Strategy Board. So very much a known quantity. Oh, and he studies glaciers.

We wish him all the best. But now down to the serious business of trying to match him up to a look-a-like musician. We've got Derek Smalls in David Delpy, Donny Osmond in Mark Llewellyn, and even Andrew Lloyd-Webber in his predecessor, Alan Thorpe. Is there a touch of the keyboard virtuoso Rick Wakeman in Duncan Wingham?