Sunday, 6 March 2016

Blond on Blond

Boris and Jo: Blond on Blond
With just three and a half months to go until the EU referendum, the debate on whether to stay or go is already at fever pitch. In TV studios and pubs across the land ill-informed but passionate views are being swapped, and the focus swings from immigration, to trade, and back to immigration again.

One of the key question is the European Union's position on the display of wild blond hair (WBH), particularly for the older man. Whilst in the past Europe has been a key exporter of WBH, it has in recent years been somewhat ambivalent to those whose hair seems to defy the laws of physics. Witness the European disdain for Donald Trump.

Some champions of WBH have clearly decided that, as a result, their future lies outside of the European Union. Boris Johnson, Chief Appropriator of Bike Hire Schemes, in announcing his membership of the 'Out' Campaign, made it clear that European antipathy to WBH was the key reason for his decision. 'We can't, you know, keep our WBH hidden just for the sake of...of...some swarthy black haired Mediterranean Eurocrats. I say to Brussels: 'nous sommes blond! Donnez-moi un break!'

However, his brother Jo Johnson, Minster for Universities, Science and Wild Blond Hair, has been more measured, and accepts that there should be centrally enforced limits to WBH. 'Whilst I appreciate my brother's point of view - we all love Boris, don't we? - I think on this point he is wrong. WBH should be tamed, and all those who are gifted with it should at least attempt to control it with a parting. As I have. Sort of.'

John-Claude Juncker, President of the European Commission and former black hair, concurred. 'We don't want to limit freedom of hair colour, but we should be sensitive to those of all follicle tones. Or, indeed, those with no hair. I mean, we shouldn't be flaunting WBH in the faces of the bald, should we?'

Thor: no comment
When asked for comment Thor, god of thunder and long time proponent of WBH, refused to enter the debate. 'Leave me out of this,' he said. 'I'm staying neutral. Did you see what happened to John Longworth? He's only got a little blondness in his hair. Really, it's more mousey than anything. And yet they hung him out to dry!'

With the brothers on different sides of the WBH barricades, the EU referendum debate can only get more intense, and we may all have to nail our (hair) colours to the mast. All must have a view: wild blond hair: yes or no?

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