Friday, 28 September 2012

King Arthur & the Internet of Things

'We have been charged by God with a sacred quest'
The TSB this week advertised for an Internet of Things Ecosystem Demonstrator. Now read on.

Prof Arthur and his RAs, along with their servants, "ride" up to a castle. Prof Arthur's administrator, Patsy, blows a horn. 

Arthur: HELLO! (waits) 
 Bedevere: HELLO! (waits) 

An armour-clad face appears at the top of the rampart. It speaks in an outrageous French accent. 

Soldier: 'Allo! 'Oo is it?
Arthur: It is I, Prof Arthur, and this is my team of Researchers. Whose castle is this?
S: This is the castle of my master, Professeur Guy de Lombard.
A: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Internet of Things.
S: Well, I'll ask 'im, but I don't think 'e'll be very keen-- 'e's already got one, you see?
A: What?
Lancelot: He says they've already *got* one!
A: (confused) Are you sure he's got one?
S: Oh yes, it's ver' naahs. (to the other soldiers:) I told 'em we've already got one! (they snicker) 
A: (taken a bit off balance) Well... ah, um... Can we come up and have a look?
S: Of course not! You are English types.
A: Well, what are you then?
S: (Indignant) Ah'm French! Why do you think I have this out-rrrageous accent, you silly professeur type?!
Galahad: What are you doing in England?
S: Mind your own business!
A: If you will not show us the Internet of Things, we shall take your castle by force!
S: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur Professeuuur"! You and all your silly English Reeesearcheuuurs!!! 

(the soldier proceeds to bang on his helmet with his hands and stick out his tongue at the researchers, making strange noises.)

Galahad: What a strange person.
A: (getting mad) Now look here, my good ma--
S: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
S: No!! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

(In the distance, the sound of Horizon2020 gently crumbling can be heard).

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