Shock Poll Result: Turkeys Vote for Christmas

Turkeys: willing to 'respond flexibly'

In a surprise election upset, turkeys on a farm in Norfolk have voted unanimously for Christmas.

'Well I'm as shocked as anyone,' said turkey farmer Sajid David. 'I've been preparing for a cull for sometime, and have been thinking about the most cost effective way of doing it. I've even drafted in two separate sets of consultants to advise me. I thought it was going to be a difficult and painful process'.

'However, late last night a group of seven turkeys knocked on my door and said that they had had a vote, and they were all committed to Christmas'.

EPSRC Christmas Ad Launched

Pigeon holes stuffed full of rejection letters

Hot on the heels of the mawkish Christmas adverts launched by John Lewis and Sainsbury's, the Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council (EPSRC) has unveiled its bid to capture yuletide hearts.

Their advert centres on a lonely applicant attempting to get funding from the notoriously cold-hearted Council.