Meanwhile, in Oslo...

Norway: Jealous.
(Photo by Mikita Karasiou on Unsplash)

As we glory in the sunny, post-Brexit uplands of Britannia resurgent, more evidence has reached us of the 'envy of less happier lands.'

The Norwegian parliament in Oslo is currently in deadlock over ways to fully split its people and cause disbelief, hilarity and ill-will amongst its closest neighbours. As we know, this is the aim of all governments, as it gives people something to talk about in the awkward downtime between seasons of Love Island and I'm a Celebrity.

The split is between those who want to throw all government revenue into a large sinkhole just outside Oslo, and then set fire to the country, and those more moderate voices who want to go for a 'Britain Plus' option.

The Britain Plus option would allow Norway to withdraw from all trade agreements and renegotiate them on less favourable terms, whilst also cutting all diplomatic relationships and avenues of influence, ensuring that it can only respond to decisions made elsewhere.

Although this doesn't please hardliners who want to go for full combustion, it is a way of fulfilling the 'will of the people' to destroy itself, whilst also keeping a shred of sanity in place.

Meanwhile in Ottawa, the Canadian parliament is less volatile but there is a strong voice for a 'Britain-style' arrangement, also known as 'Super-Britain.' Under this model, Canada would legislate so that all films and TV programmes must involve some element of the Second World War or, under special licence, the subsequent decade (as
long as it involved midwives on bicycles).

It would also make any reference to the other allies in WW2 illegal, as well as any mention of other countries possibly having some merit (other than for a brief holiday).

Ah, we happy few. Others can only marvel at what we have managed to do. And there's absolutely no truth in what Shakespeare went on to say: 'that England that was wont to conquer others/Hath made a shameful conquest of itself.'