NERC Launches Competition to Rename Sir David Attenborough

Whisper McWhisperface

Following the news that NERC had ignored the popular vote and named its new research ship Sir David Attenborough (the fourth most popular entry, lagging some 113,086 behind the winner, Boaty McBoatface), the Research Council has moved to placate its critics by launching a new competition: to rename Sir David Attenborough.

'This is a tremendously exciting time for us,' gushed Prof Duncan Wingham, NERC Chief and Rick Wakeman impersonator. '#Nameourship demonstrated the engagement and interest that the public has in global research, and we're hoping to build on that with this second competition.

'However, there is a clear practical necessity here too. Now that Boaty McBoatface is to be called Sir David Attenborough, it would be far too confusing having two Sir David Attenboroughs floating around the place. I mean, what if people hear that Sir David Attenborough is stuck in the ice? Or that a helicopter has landed on Sir David Attenborough?

'No. There can't be two of them. And now that we have democratically selected the fourth most popular name, we need to rename the TV presenter. There's already been a high level of interest, and the current favourites are:

• That Monkey Guy
• Is He Ever Going To Stop?
• Whisper McWhisperface
• Is That the One Out of Jurassic Park, or the Other One?
• They're Actually Quite Interesting Once You Start Watching
• There Goes the BBC's Annual Budget.

'The process for choosing the winner will be open and transparent, and we promise to listen the people and select the fourth most popular entry in the poll. 

'Unless we don't like it. Then, of course, we'll just ignore it and go for whatever we fancy.'