FTU Monopoly

As you can imagine we were very excited to learn about the special edition of Monopoly that the University of Kent is producing as part of its fiftieth anniversary celebrations.

We here at Fundermental Towers University (FTU) are celebrating our own landmark. Can it really be 26 and a half months since we were established?

We feel it is only right and fitting that we follow Kent's lead and have our own branded Monopoly set. In addition to spreading the word about our excellent work, an FTU Monopoly set would have two clear advantages:

• Firstly, it allows us to talk about the quality of our research in readily understandable euphemisms without having to reach for the harsh, stark and - frankly - overused language of the REF. Thus, instead of describing something as 4*, we could instead refer to it as 'Mayfair.' This would certainly be the case with our world class Department of Astrology, which we estimate to be approximately 55% Mayfair, or at least Park Lane. They really have published some quite outstanding work, which graces the pages of top peer reviewed journals such as TV Times and the People's Friend magazine. The rest is a good, solid Trafalgar Square or Vine Street, with nothing falling below the Angel Islington. However, the same could not be said of our disappointing Conspiracy Department, with their penchant for the works of Dan Brown and John Grisham, and their endless talk about Grassy Knolls. I'm afraid, for them, it's almost 90% Old Kent Road.
• Secondly, it will act as an invaluable training tool. Anyone who is able to develop the capacity to go round and round the houses for hours on end, bartering, cajoling, pleading, threatening, and forming unholy alliances to defeat others - in fact, doing whatever is necessary to bring the money in - has a long and fruitful career ahead of them in university management.