Fundermentals Top Ten of 2017

As we stumble towards the end of 2017, our heads spinning with fake news and fake news about fake news, it's time to look back and think: well, we've got Trump and May, but at least Fundermentals is still doing lookalikes.

Yes, readers, the world may be a bizarre place at the moment but there are certain things you can rely on. And so, as 2017 shudders to a halt, we take a look back at what's tickled your fancy in the year of covfefe.

What BBC Celebrity Can I Swap My VC for?

When the Times Higher announced the results of the Vice Chancellors' salary survey 2017 in June there was outrage in some parts of academia and beyond. The salary of Bath's VC, Prof Dame Glynis Breakwell, was 'morally indefensible', wailed the Bath Chronicle, quoting the local MP Wera Hobhouse.

However, the subsequent revelations about BBC pay has put it all in to perspective. Prof Dame Glynis' £451k could only buy you a Claudia Winkleman or a Matt Baker. Steve Wright wouldn't even get out of bed for that. However, it's worth noting that you could get three Darcey Bussells, or possibly one and a half Sue Barkers. Or, if you shop around, a newsroom including Gavin Esler, Justin Webb and Kirsty Wark.

Hmm. Maybe she's not the bargain I thought.

Well, to put things into perspective, and to offer a little light summer reading, Fundermentals is offering you a cut-out-and-keep guide to the trade in value of your VCs. It might just be worth leaving around your senior common room. Good to keep them on their toes.

Nick Robinson Takes over at BA

Amidst all the resignations and reshuffles following the EU Referendum, some of you might not have noticed that top BBC politico Nick Robinson has been sworn in as the new head of the British Academy. And not before time. After all those hours standing in front of Downing Street, and then getting up at 3am to present the Today programme, it's about time he had a job that included civilised working conditions. And nowhere is more civilised than 10-11 Carlton House Terrace.

Any resemblance to eminent historian Prof Sir David Cannadine is, of course, entirely coincidental.

Robinson

Cannadine

Pass Notes: EPSRC Regional Event

Ooo! Regional Event! Brilliant! Is that like the Radio 1 Roadshow? Um..

I love the Radio 1 Roadshow! Gary Davies, Bruno Brookes, Sinitta singing her latest hit...Hmm. I think you'll be a little disappointed with the EPSRC Regional Event, then.

What? Are there no celebrities? Not even a minor pop star? No, I'm afraid not. Although EPSRC's Liam Blackwell does bear a passing resemblance to Evan Davis off Dragons' Den.

He's not exactly the Hairy Cornflake, though, is he? Well no, but he is very knowledgeable about the changes to the EPSRC's peer review process for deciding on equipment.

Is that anything to do with 'Bits & Pieces'? In a way, yes. When EPSRC's capital budget was cut by 50% they had to decide what they were going to do about equipment costs.

50%! Blimey! Blimey indeed. It meant that EPSRC had to rethink how it was going to share out what was left.

I imagine they came up with something simple and transparent. Hmm. Well. If you are applying for less than £10,000, it goes through the normal channels. However, if it's for £10,000-£121,588 you'll only get 50% of the costs, and you'll have to share the equipment and justify the costs. More than that, and the equipment can't be limited to a single project. The application will get seen by a separate Strategic Equipment Panel, and you'll have to sign your name in blood, and get a special dispensation from the Queen.

Really? Well, the last bit was stretching the truth a little...

So did Evan – I mean Liam – say anything else? He did give some hints and tips for those wanting to apply for equipment costs. Before you do anything else, talk to EPSRC about your plans. Check whether the same or similar equipment is available at your university or elsewhere...

Slow down! I'm trying to write this down, but my Simon Bates pen has run out. Just listen and try to remember it. So talk to the EPSRC; check whether similar equipment's available close by already; work out how you're going to share access, and charge for it; and check how hard it is to actually get that bit of kit.

So basically do your homework first. You're not as stupid as you look.

It's all the Radio 1 Roadshows I used to listen to. There's nothing you can't learn from Steve Wright in front of an excitable audience on the seafront at Bridlington. Hmm.

Do say: Hello, you don't know me, but I hear you have a Large Hadron Collider going spare...

Don't say: I can pay you in Radio 1 merchandise.