'Excellentiam per cognitio, innovatione et interdiu TV'

The Dreaming Spires of Rochester

We were delighted to learn that Fundermental Towers has been selected as one of a tranche of 'new' universities announced by the government today. Institutions no longer have to have 4,000 students to be classified as a university. Instead, institutions need only have three part-time students in order to join the likes of Oxford and Cambridge in the upper echelons of knowledge providers. I am very pleased to announce, then, that the ancient seat of learning formerly known as 2 Acacia Avenue, Rochester, will become Fundermental Towers University.

Break open the Asti!

Whilst we do not, strictly, meet the minimum criteria for student numbers at the moment, we believe we can make a start with what we have. Our children are broadly defined as 'students', albeit school age, and both the dog and the cat have demonstrated some interest in learning, even if it is just in finding out when feeding time is.

Yes, these are exciting times for Fundermentals University. Once I've completed the latest Cosmo questionnaire, I will make a start on filling in our REF submission. I will then move on to establishing an overseas campus at our Eurocamp tent on the Costa Brava. Finally, I intend to finance my retirement extend the opportunity for learning by offering mail order degrees a distance learning programme.

I would like to extend an invitation to all Fundermental subscribers to join us at our leafy North Kentish campus where all our undergraduates, including Rover and Tibbles, live by our motto: Excellentiam per cognitio, innovatione et interdiu TV, or 'Excellence through Research, Innovation and Daytime TV.'

Open Access: a Field Guide

Many of you may have been confused by the murmuration that surrounded the release of the Finch Report in July. Fear not: as part of its public service remit Fundermentals brings you a field guide for bewildered academic twitchers.

Goldfinch
Top of the Finch family is the Goldfinch. The Goldfinch swoops and soars on (peer-reviewed) thermals, it's golden plumage shimmering in the autumn sunshine, free for all to treasure and enjoy. But those golden feathers are expensive to maintain, and whilst bird watchers and publishers love it, academic landowners are concerned about how they can afford to allow this bird to fly free.

Greenfinch
More dowdy than its golden cousin, the Greenfinch is more of a ground dweller. It hops around fields and hedgerows, opportunistically seeking out a place to store its cargo of nuts and berries. Unfortunately this winter harvest often goes unnoticed, as most twitchers have their binoculars focussed on the brasher, flashier Goldfinch.

As well as these two beautiful birds, the Finch family also includes the Chaffinch and Bullfinch. The debate surrounding Open Access has allowed Chaff and Bull to prosper, to such a degree that there's a danger that they might overwhelm the other species. We at Fundermental Towers keep our binoculars trained nervously on the sky.

Thanks to Simon Kerridge for highlighting this ornithological display.